How does one end up well adjusted? Is it bestowed upon them in a magical ceremony, or does it come from growing up in a "normal" family? Is it learned independently of people, or by their willingness to help you figure it out?
I go through life with this purpose: to be the best that I can for myself, and for everyone around me. But, is it purpose that keeps you in line, that keeps you striving for that seemingly unattainable goal of adjustedness? It has to be. I mean, that's what keeps me going. Most days, I don't want to get out of bed, and repeatedly mash my snooze button until the alarm goes away, and I can get back to my fucked up dreamscape. (And, by fucked up, I mean completely awesome.) Other days, I'm ready and willing to get my ass in gear, to tackle the day and accomplish what needs to be done. It's hanging onto that motivation that's the problem.
I still haven't quite gotten the hang of being energetic, of being driven. All throughout my life, I've wished that I would push myself more. I don't want to end up like my father, whose life is no longer his own. I don't see him very often, and haven't since I was very young, so I've had to pretty much replace him with other male influences. Some good, and some not so good, and some that are just plain bad. But, from all of them, I've found that their goals keep them moving.
Maybe that's my problem, that I don't have super-solid goals. The biggest thing I've got right now is getting out of Oklahoma. I want to be in California, and I have for a very long time. It just seems... right. Like it's where I belong. Doing what, I'm not sure, and I'm really not even sure that I can make it out there when I want to, but I'm trying. It's what I tell myself, that I'll get there if I just try my hardest. That's my motivation. Some people encourage me with no other reason than that they want to; others question my motives, wondering why I would choose there, or asking how I could leave my family and friends and everything familiar to me behind.
Change is necessary, and needed, and it's what I want.
I still haven't quite gotten the hang of being energetic, of being driven. All throughout my life, I've wished that I would push myself more. I don't want to end up like my father, whose life is no longer his own. I don't see him very often, and haven't since I was very young, so I've had to pretty much replace him with other male influences. Some good, and some not so good, and some that are just plain bad. But, from all of them, I've found that their goals keep them moving.
Maybe that's my problem, that I don't have super-solid goals. The biggest thing I've got right now is getting out of Oklahoma. I want to be in California, and I have for a very long time. It just seems... right. Like it's where I belong. Doing what, I'm not sure, and I'm really not even sure that I can make it out there when I want to, but I'm trying. It's what I tell myself, that I'll get there if I just try my hardest. That's my motivation. Some people encourage me with no other reason than that they want to; others question my motives, wondering why I would choose there, or asking how I could leave my family and friends and everything familiar to me behind.
Change is necessary, and needed, and it's what I want.
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